Category Archives: 2011-08-20 to 2012-08-26 – Not in here, cupcake

Many Zombiez

“Not in here, cupcake,” Jake chirped as he crushed the zombie’s head with the baseball bat. The corpse crumpled to the floor and he took another swift swing, knocking the head clean off its slimy shoulders. He turned and smiled at Jane.

“Nice work, pardner,” she nodded nonchalantly at him. “Uh oh.” She pointed at the undead interloper with her grimy golf club. “See the shakin’? We gots ourselves an asploder.” She rushed up and rolled the body over their flung-together fence and collapsed them both onto their cabooses just in time to hear it snack, crackle, and pop into a hundred pestilent pieces.

“Shee-it! When did they start doing that?” he said, brushing bone and blood off his jeans.

“Just afore you got arrived. You ain’t see ‘em blow up before? Are you new here?”

Stereo speakers up in the corner of the room fizzled and futzed: “Level 3.”

Posted in 2011-08-20 to 2012-08-26 - Not in here, cupcake | 1 Comment

The Cupcake Years

So what’s the problem Mr B-Man!

Please call me Butcher, Boss, as your father did. I got your email about the Irish situation, the kid downstairs printed it out for me. I just don’t think I can do this, you know the baked goods and all.

But B, it’s a brilliant idea – creepy like the Joker from Batman you know – craaazy and scary. Send your nemesis something you knows he likes, cupcakes, iced with a threatening note – it’s fucking brilliant.

I don’t think the Irishman’s gonna get it Sir. You know his niece is living down on the south coast – we know some boys down there – we could leave a bloody-clear message like your dad did in ‘86.

We’re not gang-bangers Mr B; show some class. My dad said when it comes to intimidation you were the man. “The only guy who can get a severed horse’s head on short notice in New York city” – he often said that. Now are you still that man or not?

Yes Boss; for the family; if it is the new way; I’ll find us a friendly baker.

Posted in 2011-08-20 to 2012-08-26 - Not in here, cupcake | Comments Off